The phrase “gold star lesbian” places a lot of value on women who have never slept with a man. This is a problematic way to view sexuality and should be stopped.
This phrase is particularly harmful to trans lesbians and bisexual lesbians. It can make them feel less valued in the community.
Definition
A gold star lesbian is a lesbian who has never had sexual intercourse with a man. This term is often used by dykes who are extremely proud that they have never touched a man’s penis and only interacted with other women. This sexist and exclusionary language is harmful to the queer community because it reinforces the idea that men’s genitalia is inherently male, which can lead to transgender people being excluded from their own communities.
In reality, the number of people who have never slept with a man is very small within the LGBTQ community. A lot of people who identify as lesbians have a history with cis men. This is especially true for trans lesbians who are still transitioning. It’s important to remember that everyone’s sex history is different and that there is no one “right way” to be gay.
The term gold star lesbian is problematic because it implies that there is only one correct way to be a lesbian. It’s also incredibly damaging to bisexual and pansexual people because it suggests that their sexuality is less valid than someone who only dates women. The LGBT community has enough internal schisms and discrimination to deal with, so let’s stop putting people into boxes and judging them by their sexual history. Instead, let’s focus on creating a more inclusive queer community where all womxn can thrive.
Origin
In LGBT slang, the terms “gold star lesbian” and “gold star gay” refer to a queer woman or man who has never had sex with a man. While these terms can be used jokingly or as part of a sincerely held identity, they have been criticised for being exclusionary to bisexuality and for stigmatising survivors of sexual violence.
The term has also been used to denigrate lesbians who have had sex with men in the past or who have a history of trauma associated with their experiences with men. This can lead to feelings of shame and guilt, especially for those who have had sex with men before they came out as lesbians.
The origin of the term comes from a 2021 BBC article that described cis lesbian porn performer Lily Cade as a “gold-star lesbian” for refusing to have sex with trans women on or off camera. The use of this term to denigrate Cade’s sexual behaviour was deeply transphobic and a harmful way to frame discussions of gender and sexuality. It suggests that a person’s sEURxual history determines their worth or validity in the community. This can be particularly harmful for cisgender people who have had sex with a man before coming out as lesbians or those who have been raped by a man. It also places too much emphasis on ideas of purity and sexual purity that can be harmful to LGBT+ people.
Context
A gold star lesbian is a gay woman who has never had sex with a man. The term can be used jokingly or as a sincerely held identity, but it is problematic for a number of reasons. It implies that there is something wrong with a lesbian who has slept with men, and it can be an indication of prejudice against bisexuals and trans women.
This sexist and homophobic language can lead to serious problems within the LGBT community. It can be difficult for people who have had sex with men to feel comfortable in lesbian spaces, and it can make it harder for rape survivors to talk about their experiences. It also places a large amount of value on virginity, which is harmful for women and girls.
The sEURxual history of lesbians is complicated, and it shouldn’t be seen as a binary thing that needs to be “declared.” Rather than criticizing those who have sex with men, we should be supporting the fact that there are many gay women who choose not to have that kind of relationship. The term “gold star lesbian” is a misguided attempt to create an ideal LGBT space that is free of heterosexism. But it only makes the movement more exclusive and sexist, and it can be dangerous for marginalized people.
Meaning
In the queer community, labels can be helpful tools for fostering solidarity and creating important discussions. However, they are often used to exclude people and impose hierarchies. This is particularly true of terms like “Platinum Gay” and “Gold Star Lesbian.” These sexist terms place value on some sexual experiences while ignoring others. These antiquated terms should be retired because they are harmful to the community.
The term platinum is problematic because it implies that there is a “correct” way to be a lesbian and that only those who have never slept with men are truly lesbians. This is harmful because it can make trans lesbians and bisexual women feel less valued in the queer community. It also creates an idea of purity that is detrimental to all lesbians, especially rape survivors.
Similarly, the term gold star is harmful because it imply that a person who has slept with a man is not a true lesbian. This can be especially damaging to cis lesbians who have experienced trauma relating to men. It can cause them to doubt their sexuality, which is a terrible thing for anyone to do.
In addition, these terms have been used to justify transphobia. For example, in a 2021 BBC article on cis lesbian porn performer Lily Cade, the writer insinuated that Cade was a “gold star lesbian” because she refused to have sex with trans women. This is a form of transphobia that must be condemned.
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