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Lesbian Sex – How to Please Your Partner

Lesbian sex is different for every woman, so the best way to please your partner is to explore her body. This includes kissing, rubbing and stroking her secondary zones and gently teasing her clitoris with fingers or a wedge pillow.

Pay attention to her feedback — moans, grinding and sucking are all good cues that she’s enjoying herself.

1. Know her body

Whether you’re a lesbian or just starting to explore your sexual pleasures, knowing what her body likes will make it easier for you to please her. Lesbian sex is not all about oral sex (although this can be very satisfying for some partners). For example, the vulva area, the clitoris, and penetration are all very sexually pleasurable.

When you first touch her body, it is best to start slow and soft with sensual touches such as rubbing her thighs or kissing her stomach. Then, move on to licking and touching her erogenous zones such as her inner thighs and clitoral area. This will help get her in the mood. If she starts to moan, pull at the sheets, or grab your neck, these are good signs that you should speed up and intensify your movements.

Then, once you have her in the mood, you can try out penetration with your fingers, dildos, vibrators, or even a sex toy. Many lesbians also enjoy using their mouths to give oral sex as well. Be sure to lube well before you do this, and don’t be afraid to experiment with different pressure and speeds.

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2. Know her desires

If you’re not sure what pleases your partner, don’t be afraid to experiment with a few things. A wand-like vibrator can give her pleasure in ways your tongue might not be able to, and a wedge pillow allows you both to reach deeper into the G-spot without straining your bodies.

If your arousal level is high enough, try fingering her vagina or anus with one or two of your fingers (it helps to use lube). Find the area that’s halfway between her vulva and her vaginal opening and stroke it with your fingers. Repeat in circular or in-and-out movements to create a pattern of stimulation.

Remember that sex with a woman is very different from what you see in porn, so don’t be afraid to break away from the script! Try to improvise with your hands, a dildo or even household objects like the showerhead (as long as it’s sanitised!). And don’t forget about the erogenous zones on her inner thighs! They’re a lot more sensitive than you might think.

3. Create a sexy environment

Lesbian sex is a hot topic, and for many first-time queer partners, it’s an idea they have fantasised about in their heads. They may imagine it as this explosive, perfect encounter that they will ingrain in their memory forever. Unfortunately, it’s often clumsy and awkward, which is okay!

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Foreplay is essential for the sexy experience, so try giving your partner head, teases their vulva and tummy, or reach back and play with their nipples. This will engage them with each other and activate their erogenous zones, and can be a great starting point to exploring more manual stimulation.

Some people also enjoy scissoring, a technique where they open their legs and rub their vulva together. This can be very pleasurable, but it’s not something that all women like to do.

Then there’s oral sex, which can be pleasurable to do with all kinds of people. Some prefer to use a strap-on, which is a sex toy that is penis-like in shape and attaches to the pelvis. It’s not a requirement that every couple uses one, but it can be fun to experiment and find what works for you.

4. Ask her what she likes

There are a lot of different ways to get it on with a lesbian, and everyone has their own preferences. One thing is for sure, though – ignoring your partner’s wants will never end well. It’s also important to know your partner’s anatomy so you can avoid things like STIs and unintended pregnancies. That means using protection (check out our STI guide for more tips) and dental dams during oral sex.

Whether you’re new to lesbian sex or just want some fresh ideas for clit play, don’t be afraid to ask your partner what she likes. It’s easy to assume that she wants your whole hand, but you might find that her g-spot is more pleasurable if you curl your fingers into her.

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The g-spot is a spongy area inside the vagina that’s more accessible when aroused. It’s near the cervix and can be stimulated with a variety of toys. Many women prefer a hand with a lot of grip, while others might only want your fingertips or even just the tip of your index finger.

5. Let her control the situation

Lesbian sex, sapphic sex, girl-on-girl sex, whatever you call it, is a powerful and intimate experience. It’s a lot to take in, but there are plenty of things you can do to make the experience better for both of you.

First of all, remember that sex between two women is just as valid as sex between men. It doesn’t matter if you’re bisexual, pansexual, queer or heterosexual. It’s also important to remember that gender identity isn’t sexuality and that the gender assigned by doctors at birth doesn’t have to be female.

While it may seem obvious, it’s worth mentioning that communication is key in any relationship. Be open about your likes, dislikes and hard boundaries, and make sure you discuss any curiosities and questions you have. It’s also important to talk about safe sex and barrier methods, including dental dams and lube. You should also discuss the possibility of penetrative sex (penis in vagina), which is possible for both partners. Many lesbians also enjoy oral sex and fingering. They may even mutually masturbate each other’s clitorises and anuses (humping). During manual stimulation, one partner stimulates the other’s genitals, sometimes with the tongue and mouth.