How to Have Sex With Yourself

Does sex really have to involve another person?

Yes, you can still have great solo sex by playing with yourself. This is called masturbation, and it’s a natural way for many people to get turned on.

It’s also a great way to learn your boundaries, which can help you communicate them more clearly during partnered sex.

1. Start with a stroke

Getting intimate with yourself can feel strange at first but it’s all about finding out what feels good to you. There are lots of different ways to do this, from running your fingers over the outside of your vagina to fingering yourself to massaging your clitoris.

If you’re not a fan of the feeling of your own fingers you can use sex toys that are made for intimate stimulation. From nipple clamps that vibrate to dildos that have ridges, bulges and even angled G-spot heads, there’s something out there to suit everyone.

Some strokes can cause loss of sensation or muscle stiffness which can make certain sexual positions impossible. Your physiotherapist or occupational therapist can help you try out new positions. They can also recommend sex toys that are safe and comfortable to use and help you learn what works for you. You can then practice these new techniques at home. Many relationships can thrive without sexual intercourse and you can find a great way to be close with your partner through touching, kissing and hugging.

2. Explore with your fingers

One of the best ways to learn how to masturbate and orgasm alone is to explore your nipples, clitoris, labia, and more with your fingers. Many women who have never touched themselves in this way are surprised at how much it turns them on.

To finger yourself, you should always use a lubricant (we like this one). Then, using a mirror is key to ensure you’re not poking your genitals too far. Start by slipping your middle finger into your vagina to the first knuckle and slowly start feeling around to discover what feels good and where. Once you’ve gotten the hang of it, try adding more fingers for added girth and exploring the G-spot—the point at the top of your vagina that’s closest to the clitoris.

You can also try rubbing other pleasure-stimulating areas, such as your nipples or inner thighs, while fingering yourself to mix things up. Many women even love rubbing their anus while massaging their clitoris—which is where orgasms often happen, according to research. You can also rip on your clit or rub it with toys, such as a dildo.

3. Try fingering yourself

Getting comfortable fingering yourself is a great way to start getting into masturbation. But don’t get caught up in the expectation of arousal and orgasm. These can be very difficult goals to reach by yourself and may cause self-consciousness that detracts from the pleasure of the moment.

To finger yourself, first get your hands wet and rub them together. This makes them softer and more sensitive, and also creates friction that can be pleasing for some women. Then gently slide your finger in up to the knuckle. Make sure to lubricate your finger as you go so you don’t have any irritation issues.

Once you have your finger in, try stroking your clitoris in various patterns, such as circular motions or up-and-down strokes. This will stimulate the clitoris to wake up and get aroused. You can also massage other pleasure-stimulating areas of your body, like the nipples and inner thighs. This can increase the sensations of your fingers, and also help to distract you if your mind starts to wander as the pleasure builds.

4. Switch up your positions

If you’re stuck in a rut with your solo masturbation routine, try switching up positions to get in touch with other erogenous zones. You might be surprised by what turns you on.

For example, if you normally lie on your back during masturbation, try positioning yourself in a starfish position or spreading your legs out into missionary pose. These masturbation positions can give you full access to your nipples and clitoral area.

You can also experiment with sexual positions you might use in a partnered sex session, such as cowgirl or reverse cowgirl. For the latter, you can prop yourself up with pillows for extra accessibility to your clitoris.

Another way to spice up your solo sex is by massaging yourself. The pubococcygeus muscles, which are also known as the pelvic floor muscles, can have a powerful sexual effect. You can try clenching them, tightening then releasing them in a rhythm to feel your clitoral ridge vibrate. You can even do this while you’re fingering yourself. You’ll have a blast and discover a new way to get orgasms!

5. Get in touch with your clitoris

Depending on your preferences, you may want to experiment with stimulating the area around your clitoris. This can be done with your fingers, a partner’s hand or mouth, a sex toy, and even things like a shower head or vibrator. The goal is to find what turns you on and helps you to orgasm, so start off gently and slow. Play with pressure, movement (like up and down or circular), and frequency to see what feels good.

Your clit is the part of your vulva that’s most important for sexual pleasure. It’s made of spongy tissue that becomes swollen with blood when you’re aroused, and it has thousands of nerve endings.

You can feel your clit by sliding your finger down the length of your vaginal canal, about three knuckles deep. Glide it to the tail of your clitoral hood, which is shaped like a pea and may be fuzzy or fluffy. Then, slowly curl your finger in a “come hither” motion to touch the tip of the clitoral hood. It can be a little scary to look at your genitals this closely, but remember that masturbation isn’t just healthy — it’s also fun and sensual.