Aftercare in bdsm revolves around complimenting your partner and telling them how good they did during the scene. A few words of affirmation can go a long way for a sub who has just experienced a serious orgasm.
In addition to this, if there was any impact play involved you may need to apply a cold compress or rub some cream on marks and bruises. And if you’re both feeling sleepy, cuddling is always an option!
Communication
Whether they’re a couple, friends with benefits, or just in a one-night-stand, it’s important that BDSM participants can communicate their needs and desires effectively. That’s especially true when it comes to aftercare.
This can be a time to talk about how the scene went or discuss what might happen next. It can also be a chance for subs to ask their Dom(me) questions or share their thoughts on the experience. It’s often a good idea for dom(me)s to provide their subs with food and drinks or some sort of comfort after a scene, as well. This can include cuddling (discover how to boost oxytocin for deeper connections) or something as simple as a warm blanket or robe.
Aftercare can also include physical care, such as disinfecting, putting salve on, and bandaging any physical souvenirs from the scene or impact play that might be left behind. It can also involve gentle touching and words of affirmation to re-establish a connection that might have dipped during the scene.
Another key aspect of aftercare is setting up safewords for the participants to use if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Having a way to stop a scene or take a breather without feeling guilty can help prevent a dreadful crash from the adrenaline and endorphins of BDSM. It can also give the participant peace of mind that they won’t be stuck in a situation that makes them uncomfortable for too long.
First Aid Kid
Having a first aid kid available is a good way to promote safety when playing in BDSM. A first aid kid can help a partner with physical or emotional needs after a scene. It can also be helpful to have a personal aftercare kit with everything needed for a scene, such as lubricants, toys and medical supplies. Having an aftercare plan to discuss and negotiate with your partner can be helpful in planning your impact play. It is also important to have a safe word that you can both use when things feel too intense or unsafe. This can prevent scenes from turning into harming or damaging experiences.
Physical Care
Energetic BDSM shenanigans can be physically demanding. Both subs and doms will often need to re-hydrate or replenish their bodies with food after a scene. Depending on the intensity of the session some partners may even need to use the bathroom. This is why a first aid kid should be part of any BDSM aftercare kit.
It is also a good idea to make sure any bruises or abrasions are disinfected and salved up in order to ensure the safety of both parties. In addition to addressing physical injuries, aftercare should also address any emotional distress that could occur as a result of the kink encounter. This is especially important if the scene was intense.
During a kink scene the sub and dom can experience a rush of adrenaline and endorphins that can leave them feeling low, even after the scene is over. This is known as “sub drop” and it can be very difficult for subs to come down from. Doms can also experience this type of emotional crash called “dom drop.”
It’s important that aftercare is provided for both parties in order to help them feel safe and supported. This can be done through communication, physical care and even emotional support. While aftercare varies from person to person, it’s always a good idea to take the time to check in with your partner after any sexual encounter. This is true whether you’re friends with benefits, in a long-term relationship or just enjoying vanilla sex for fun.
Emotional Care
As well as checking in on bruises and abrasions after a scene, emotional aftercare is just as important in BDSM as it is in other forms of kink. This involves gently bringing partners back into reality and helping them feel grounded again.
This can involve affirming your feelings for one another, telling them how much you love and appreciate them, and even complimenting them on the things they did during a scene to get the most out of your time together. It can also mean scheduling a coffee or ice cream date a few days after a scene to discuss how it went and what you’re looking forward to in your next encounter.
For subs, this can be an opportunity to address the phenomenon known as “sub drop.” It’s a kind of post-coital dysphoria that happens when the adrenaline and endorphins from a scene begin to subside and can leave a sub feeling low, small or overwhelmed. For Doms, it’s a way to navigate the guilt or shame that can come with top play or with transgressing societal taboos.
Although BDSM aftercare looks different for everyone as sexual preferences vary, it’s essential that it’s considered and mutually agreed upon. Depending on your and your partner’s needs, it could include anything from administering first aid to meeting up the next day to watch a film or play games.
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